torn

I'd went for the stock taking job at Eugene's workplace today together with a few cellgroup members. It was a pretty mindless job since it involved just plain counting and shifting of dusty boxes here and there, good and bad, but soon turned into a pretty mundane job when i realised that we still quite a number of boxes on the multiple shelves. Its tiring, and sweaty and kind of dirty at the end of the day, but at least working is more fun with your friends, friendly staff, not a too bad lunch break, and of course the lack of imposing characters you only find in the army. Gonna wake early to hop on Eugene's car to work tomorrow again. Oh wells, money is hard earned, i'm reminded. And i'm gonna miss my cadet's photo-taking tomorrow, though it is admittedly a little inconvenient to travel all the way to Yew Tee without driving, carrying along my No.1 and accessories.



And though working for money is pretty much an imperative to me now that i've embarked on my quote quote permanent holiday till school starts, i just feel i want to achieve so much more. No i'm not referring to the material wants like getting an iphone, clothing and stuff. Though, those are certainly really plus points. I've survived on a non-colour, non-camera, or nondescript phone you might say, but nonetheless served its primal functions of calls and smses , and like finally, i get an opportunity to upgrade. Still, i'm going for a more detailed approach to managing my finances now. Part of growing up i guess.


A little disappointed that i'm not going backpacking this end year, due to valid reasons though. It was something that i quite looked forward to, but i guess, the plans gotta be shelved till next year? And i'm really not sure about going to SOT next year still, and about rising up in ministry and everything. Its not that simple. Theres just a lot of apprehension going through my mind, and although i know very clearly that i'll be blessed by going tru bible school, but a part of me feels so reluctant about everything.


Theres a time and season for everything, and maybe this opportunity missed could never resurface again. But that is too the same for some things in my life right now.



Carpe diem, they say.




But who are cares what they say anyway?

musings

I just came back from a leaders fellowship dinner at Quality Hotel (what a name), somewhere inconvenient off balastier road. Didn't exactly enjoyed the company there, mainly because sam and myself couldn't really gel into the rest of their conversations, and we left shortly. Caught 2012 at Cine with daryl and merrill earlier in the afternoon. It was in essence a more elaborate version of the day after tomorrow. The graphics and screenplay was cool alright, but storyline lacked a little freshness. $6 for the ticket, plus nachos, popcorn, drinks and the company was not too bad after all.


I did a 15km run alone this morning, along with my ipod. Took the same route as i did on sunday, and the satisfaction of completing it was really good. I guess running alone sometimes kinds of forces my my mind to keep off the run, and since that i thought i was never good at running, i figure i might as well challenge myself.


It made me think through about myself, and the people around me; the past, the present. The people i missed. The choices i made. The many things that i did (or the possible lack of?) The experiences i felt. And i guess much similar to the theory of natural selection - that the ones who adapt the quickest survives through the ages, those who are able to conform to the desires of the people around them, or the world for that matter, would be able to thrive best in their environment?

The Bible tells us that we should not be conformed to this world, but let our perspective be renewed each day, to see what is good and perfect in His eyes.

But, perhaps we do change our lifestyles, and actions, and maybe even our thoughts and value systems for the people around us.

And maybe we are trying to accommodate, trying to please, and trying to fill the needs of our other sides. But will it come to a point where we changed so much that we start to lose track of our true selves?


Yet again, love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

i don't care what people will say..

Though my thoughts and actions may let me down, time and time again, i've come to the concurrence that i will still choose, to chase after God.


Because He is worth it.


Because I'm running after You.

let it fall

Thank God for the relatively smooth preaching today. I was pretty happy with myself, that the sermon more or less went the way how i had prepared it. Just yesterday i met up with grace to vet the sermon, and trust me the feeling was really horrid. I just kind of felt that i wasted her time that night. But at least her advice helped me to pick up myself again, and truly by His grace, that the words came out congruently today.


And i'm pretty relieved actually, from the experience i'd the previous week. It felt as if a burden was now lifted off from my shoulders, and i simply feel more at ease now, not so caught up with trying to scramble to prepare for the sermon. Its like the sort of freedom to do much whatever you want?


But at the same time, i cannot simply rest on my few laurels that i have found and chuck away the Person who had been behind me all these while. I do realise the shure importance of committing the things to Him instead of doing it by your own strength. Cliche, but indeed today it was once again an experiential knowledge to me.


But just somehow.



Its been a nice rainy night. And i hope it stays this way. I don't know why either.

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